50 Shades of Reality

by Miss D

Wake up people, 50 Shades of Grey is not reality. It is a fluff book written by some bored housewife. While it is entertainment,the danger is that it is enticing people to join a dark world in which they know nothing about. And it is inviting women to do it as a sexual slave under the guise of finding Mr. Wrong and turning him into Mr. Right..


I want you to know that I never read any of E.L. James books nor will I attend the movie, however I did spend 22 years working in the sex industry 14 of which were spent solely as a Dominatrix. So I feel like I am an expert on a subject most people only narrowly understand, if at all.


The reality of the S&M world is this, when you are someone’s slave, you give them COMPLETE power over you. The nature of the relationship is that the dominant person controls you and punishes you whenever they wish. They find your limits and push you past them.


You are not whisked off in jets and helicopters like some sort of celebrity who has won a prize. You are beaten and stuck in cages and dungeons. You are handcuffed and whipped until your skin bleeds and then when your master makes you beg for more, you are pushed beyond your limits of pain and left in a little ball on the floor. BROKEN! There is no mercy, there is no makeup artist, YOU have no control.


Of course many people like to feel pain. It gets them off. I did a documentary a few years ago and one of the questions I was asked was why do people seek out pain? In my experience there are six main reasons why.


  1. LOSS: Some people have experienced so much loss and betrayal in life that they no longer feel anything. They are literally numb. Like all of us they are looking to belong and be loved. The only thing they can feel is PAIN. So the person who offers them pain is the one they love.
  2. ABUSE: Some people are taught from a very early age that pain IS love. Abuse from a parent or sibling that has never been addressed confuses the person. They have been taught that love equals pain. So if someone causes you pain, they must love you. This person will literally look for reasons to be punished so that they feel more loved.
  3. CONTROL A: Someone who was sexually abused may look to being a dominant so that they can work through their control issues. Being raped or sexually abused causes constant feelings of loss of control. In order to gain some sort of control over their life they choose to be the one (The Dominatrix) who gives the pain. The one who does the raping. Although it is technically not raping someone if they pay you to do it.
  4.  CONTROL B: People who have a lot of power often end up abusing it. Money usually comes with power and the person gets a sense of not being able to hear the word no. They treat everyone around them poorly. Deep inside they know what they are doing is wrong and they seek out a dominant. Someone they can pay to punish them for how hateful they are to everyone else. Someone who will make them hear the word NO! and enforce it.
  5. MONEY: Some people do it just for the money. In the S&M world these people don’t last long because they run into people who will happily break them and realize that no amount of money is worth the abuse they have just received. Still I will never forget the words of one of my slaves when I asked her why she liked to be abused. She said, “Sometimes it’s just easier to lie there and take a beating.”
  6. BOREDOM: Lets face it, people get bored easily. Everyone wants to try the new and improved trendy way of, well everything. You want to add a little spice to your sex life so you go out and buy some handcuffs. Next thing you know you are at swingers party with your husband and then divorced.


I think it is very dangerous to glamorize this lifestyle. Women and more importantly, young girls may entire this dark world thinking they will find their Mr. Grey and nothing could be further from the truth. What they may find is that they are whisked away to a house and stuck in a room, never to see the light of day again. They will be forced to have sex with upwards of 20 men a day and when they are all used up, they will either be tossed to the side of the road, or get a bullet in their brain. 


I know these words are hard to swallow, but this is the reality of the S&M world. Not the whole reality, because quite frankly, you couldn't handle the whole truth; the truth that some people enjoy being hung by hooks that have pierced their skin and oh so much more. However, I hope it is enough to open your eyes to the fact that this is NOT a glamorous world where the girl gets whisked away by the rich and powerful man for a happily ever after. That she somehow changes him. That he falls in love with her and changes his wicked ways. The world of S&M is very black and white, there is not room for 50 shades of gray.


In summer time, I like to dog sit to earn extra income. It’s an easy gig and one filled with love from new furry friends. I am currently on day four of a fourteen-day visit with Daisy and Pookie, in beautiful Burbank, CA.


A week before the job began I felt I heard God prompting me to use the time to get unplugged and get closer to HIM! Since there is no Internet where I am, that took care of staying off social media. (my phone doesn’t have internet either) I don’t know how to work the TV and decided not to learn. Instead I brought The Circle Maker to read and dusted off my tennis shoes and sweat suit and threw them in my suitcase. I felt like I should get some exercise, since nature is where I feel closest to God!

Before I started working, I also felt prompted to use the time to do my yearly two-week master cleanse, which involves drinking only lemons, maple syrup and cayenne pepper... no food. When I arrived at my temporary home, I was encouraged to find a lemon tree with juicy ripe lemons in the front yard of. YAY! FREE lemons! The kitchen of the home I’m staying in doesn’t have a stove, only a microwave, so extra bonus…I am not tempted to cook. What a perfect place to do a two week fast. God really removed all temptations from me!

On the first day of watching the furry babies, I looked out the gigantic bay window in the living room to see droves of people running, walking, biking and pushing baby strollers, this way and that, down the middle of the street on the beautiful Chandler Bike Path. I sat on the couch with the dogs for over an hour and watched as people made their way hurriedly along.  The path was intriguing to me. I felt like it was calling me to it, so, I decided to check it out. Tomorrow.

My first morning on the path, was spent walking and receiving good cheer from all the passers bye. “Good morning!” “Good morning!” Good morning I said in return. Wow! The people were all so friendly. Neighborly I think they used to call it. I liked it! I would be back for more.

The sun was shining bright and was warm against my back as I walked west, about a half a mile down the luscious green path from Buena Vista to Hollywood Way. I was going to go further but since the traffic light was unusually long, I turned around and headed for home. Since I was cleansing, I felt a sudden urge to use a bathroom, so I decided to periodically sprint a bit on the way back in an effort to get home quicker.

Wow! It has never been more evident to me how out of shape I am. I was only able to run tiny little spurts of about fifteen seconds. Honestly if it hadn’t been for my immediate need of a restroom I wouldn’t have run at all. But God uses everything.

The second morning on the path I decided to go the other direction, heading east. I was greeted again with the friendly “good morning, good morning, good morning and extended my share of morning cheer in return. About a half a mile down the path I came to it’s end, or maybe it’s beginning, depending on which way you are heading. There was a giant bronzed man holding a lantern type light, standing on the original tracks. There was a plaque that explained about the railroad and the trackwalkers. I stopped to read it.

The Chandler Bike Path used to be the first railroad in the valley. It was built by David Burbank, some guy who ended up getting a city named after him. The railroad brought the fruit from the fertile valley to Los Angeles and beyond.

When it was decommissioned in 1992 they decided to make it into a bike and running path that goes all the way through the center of the San Fernando Valley. In Burbank, the path runs smack dab in the middle of Chandler North and Chandler South and is surrounded by beautiful flowers and trees. It is very well groomed and quite pleasant to the eye, in the middle of a concrete jungle.

After a short break to read the sign and gaze at the giant bronzed trackwalker, I turned and headed back toward home. The sun was breaking through the clouds, the birds were chirping loudly, welcoming the top of the seventh morning hour. This path was really lovely. I felt like I had discovered my own little slice of heaven.

 All of a sudden, I felt the urge to run again. This time it was from God, and not the master cleanse. So I started, but once I realized how far I had to run to make it home, I was immediately out of breath and slowed my pace to a fast walk.

 “I can’t run that far. I just can’t,” I told myself. Not the whole way, but maybe part of it.  I did my little sprints here and there, but mostly walked the half a mile back home. Oh well, I told myself. At least I have started. I was graciously reminded that God takes us from Glory to glory, little by little.

This morning as I entered the path for a third time, the sun was hidden behind a thick patch of June gloom clouds. I was grateful because it meant that it would stay cooler longer.

Today I decided to walk an extra portion of the path. Why not? It is Saturday morning and I have nowhere else to be. Truth be told, I could go back to sleep if I wanted. I walked the usual mile from Buena Vista up to Hollywood Way then waited at the crosswalk for the light to change. In my recent visits to this intersection, by car or by foot, I have noticed that this is an extra long light.  I timed it at 3 minutes, which is a lifetime in LA traffic. But just as I though about turning around and heading for home, the light changed and beckoned me to go further.

The birds were chirping in the cool morning air, and the usual suspects were on the path extending greetings, of a good morning. This morning I was putting into practice something I read in The Circle Maker. The author, Mark Batterson talkes about every single meeting being a divine appointment. He talks about how we have the opportunity to pray for every single person we meet, if only for a second, by shooting them with invisible prayer bullets.

I felt really connected to God at this point and was quite busy shooting all the passers by with invisible prayer bullets. Ping! Covered in the blood of Christ! Ping! Hit with the Holy Spirit. I must have encountered 25 people already who were unknowingly showered with a God shot! This was awesome!!!

Next thing I knew I was at the Whitnall Highway crossing about another quarter mile down the Chandler Bike Path. Wait I know this place! I’ve been here before. I saw a bronzed bench surround by a bed of beautiful blooming flowers. I knew this spot well. I had sat on that bench many times with my ex boyfriend John. I was tempted to sit down and reminisce on our past. Probably not a good idea, my thoughts gently reminded me. I decided to turn around and head back home.

All of a sudden I heard God yell “RUN!!!”

OMG! Are you kidding me? Run? Not just sprint but run! I can’t run.

Who am I kidding? I spent most of my life running, whether it was from the cops or an ex boyfriend or even my parents. Properly motivated, I was plenty able to run.

God yelled it at me again, just in case I missed it the first time, “RUN!”

 So I did!!!!

As a goal oriented person, I immediately needed to know how far I had to run. I saw how far away the Hollywood Way crosswalk was and felt a prompting to run to it. But God I argued…that’s like a quarter mile away. Then God showed me something that will forever change my life. He said…

“Just run to the next pole.”

Okay! I can do that! So I ran as fast as I could to the next pole, Then God said, “Now run to the next tree.”

Well it was literally only about 15 paces away jogging so I said “OK! I can do that!” And I ran to the next tree.

I looked up in the distance and saw a lady walking in front of me. For a moment I thought I should run to her. “Oh I can’t run that far,” I protested.

“Just run to the next tree,” I heard God say to me.

So, I did. And then the next one and then the next one. Before I knew it I had passed the lady who had been in front of me and the Hollywood Way crossing was in my sights. I am not a quitter but I also am not in shape. So being that Hollywood Way was still kind of far off, I started to doubt myself and look at the ground.

God literally pulled my chin up and said, “Keep your eyes on ME!!!”

But what if I stumble? I wondered. Don’t I need to look at the ground? What if I fall and have an injury?

God said, “If you stumble my angels will keep you from falling, but if you fall, I, Myself, will reach down from heaven, extend you my hand and help you back up!”

Wow! God Himself will help me get back up? You know I heard this a million times in the Bible or at church, but the God of the universe actually told me Himself, right there on the Chandler Bike Path!

So I kept my eyes up, focused on heaven, running at my fullest speed toward the next tree! And then the next. And the next. Some of those trees were only five paces apart, but even though I was tempted, I didn’t look ahead accept one tree. I didn’t look at the finish line, I kept my eyes focused on God.

After several minutes of running as fast as I could to each approaching pole or tree, I saw the Hollywood Way crosswalk, out of the corner of my eye. Oh thank goodness! I just had to go just a little bit further. Surely I would be able to rest at that long light.

I pushed just a little harder, ran a little faster as I neared the intersection ready to finish. I was panting and breathing hard, and incredibly lost in the moment with the Creator of the universe. I was surprised to find drops of sweat running down my brow. OMG! I am actually sweating. It’s a miracle!

Just as I was ready to stop running, the Hollywood Way light changed.

Then I heard it loud and clear… Just go four lanes further!

So, I did.

When I got to the other side of the intersection, I stopped running. I was quite amused with God and myself. I turned around to see the distance I had covered and was stunned. With the help of my God I had flat out ran as fast as I could, a quarter mile. While this may or may not seem like much to you, for me it is a modern day miracle.

After I returned home, still out of breath and sweating like crazy, I sat and pondered what God had shown me today. Here is what I learned.

I learned that when God plants a destination in my heart, He will get me there. End of story! All I have to do is keep my eyes towards heaven, and run as fast as I can to the next tree. When I reach my destination, tired and worn out from giving it my all, God will take me four lanes further. Cause that’s the God I serve… the God of above and beyond what I can think or imagine... and I can imagine pretty big!

 To be continued...

When Words Become Weapons

An excerpt from my book... The 40-Day Fast from Negative Thinking


Day 7

     When Words Become Weapons


You did it! You made it through your first week of the 40-Day Fast from Negative Thinking!  This first week you have spent a lot of time thinking about what you were thinking about. In this next week let’s take it one step further by thinking about the words that come out of your mouth.


The words that you speak have the power of life or death so choose them wisely.

Proverbs 18:21

New Living Translation (NLT)

21 The tongue can bring death or life;
    those who love to talk will reap the consequences.


I don’t know about you, but I love to talk. My perfect afternoon can easily be having coffee with a friend and catching up with what’s going on in each other’s life. I don’t actually stop and think about what I am saying, I don’t have a plan, I just talk. Luckily, I am blessed to naturally have the gift of exhortation, so much of what comes out of my mouth are words of encouragement. Unless fear creeps in.


When I feel attacked (verbally) or criticized I tend to go on the defense. My natural tendency is to say something worse than was said to me. I worked in the sex industry as a dominatrix for over 17 years so I was very adept at verbally annihilating people. To control, to manipulate, to humiliate, to speak death over them. People paid me a lot of money to be treated this way and I was very good at it.


I also spoke like a sailor. The f*% word was my favorite adjective, noun and verb. Of course I was surrounded by people who spoke much the way I did. One day a client said to me, “ You are such a pretty girl and such dirty language comes out of your mouth. You know that you look uneducated when you swear so much?” It offended me so I punished him for speaking that way to me. How dare he criticize me! His words cut me deeply. Later that night, I sat alone for a while and thought about what he had said.


HE WAS RIGHT! Even in the midst of serving the darkness I KNEW that my language was out of control. This is a very extreme example. Let me take you to an extreme on the opposite end of the scale.


I had a roommate who was a people pleaser. She really wanted everyone to be happy and had a problem with saying no. She was so afraid of a confrontation


that she would say and do anything to avoid it. She always over-extended herself and said she would do things she had no intention of doing. She would lie straight to my face, even though we both knew she was lying.


Eventually, one of us would blow up at the other, because of her inability to communicate what she really meant. In the end, I didn’t believe a word that she said, no matter how well-intentioned.


Somewhere in the middle there is balance.


When I gave my life to Jesus, I was miraculously delivered from my constant swearing. (In times of stress and anger it still pops out if I’m not careful.) Still, I was left with the nasty habit of interrupting and speaking before I really thought about what the person said to me, if I heard them at all, because I really wasn’t a good listener.


It was only very recently when I took a course on grief recovery that I learned how to be a good listener. In the grief recovery course, each week that we were expected to privately share our deepest wounds with a partner, we were given instructions on how to listen: Listen to the other person, do not interrupt or speak. Stay in the present moment and just listen.


At first I found it very difficult not to interject my opinions or my concerns, but after many weeks of practice, I have developed the skill of listening.


When you get busy listening, you will speak much less. I consider this a good thing. When I don’t have intention about what I speak, things come out that I wish hadn’t.

Ecclesiastes 6:11

New Living Translation (NLT)

11 The more words you speak, the less they mean. So what good are they?

As you go through this next week, pay especially close attention to the words you speak. Are you talking just to be heard or do you really have something to say? When you speak, are your words bringing life to yourself or death. What about to others? Are you encouraging others and being helpful? Or are you accusing and judging with your words.

Proverbs 10:32

New Living Translation (NLT)

32 The lips of the godly speak helpful words,
    but the mouth of the wicked speaks perverse words.


When I think about the worst moments of my life, I find a connection to horrible words that were spoken to me, or that I spoke to someone else. Put a guard on your mouth and be intentional about what you say, for the power of life and death are in the tongue.


Father God,

Please help me to pay attention to the words I speak. Gently remind me when I am speaking unhelpful words. Let my words be life-giving. Let my words build others up and encourage them. Let my words build myself up and speak life into myself. Thank you God that You are with me on this journey and together we will rise above every challenge.

In Jesus name. Amen. 


It's All About Me ~ NOT!

Read a page from my new book-

"The 40-Day Fast from Negative Thinking"


Day 37

It’s All About Me~ NOT!


Have you ever had a conversation with someone and all of a sudden been offended by something they said? Maybe you took it the wrong way; maybe they actually meant to say what they said. Your offended mind starts to twirl on their statement. The all or nothing thinking kicks in and THAT’S IT! All of a sudden you’re ready to cut this person off. Or worse yet, you respond with hateful words of your own.


Regardless of what the other person meant to say, our response to the comment is what we are responsible for. Lets look at another unhelpful style of thinking. IT'S ALL ABOUT ME!


This is certainly not an uncommon style of thinking. It is perpetuated by the world in which we live. We are taught only the strong survive. We are taught to be self-centered and told that our success in life depends on what we do, how much money we have and what kind of car we drive. Very rarely does society teach us that success comes from helping and giving to others.


When we interact with other people we have a tendency to think that everything they do and say is centered around us. Stop for a moment and tell yourself...IT'S NOT all about me! When someone speaks to you with unkind words, they are acting that way because they have been hurt. You may not even be the one that hurt them. Instead of feeling like you have been attacked (even if you have) call upon the mind of Christ and ask God to show you what is really going on with that person. Nine times out of ten it has absolutely nothing to do with you. When you act out of love instead of reacting to their pain, you set yourself up to be helpful to the other person, instead of making matters worse.


The world is full of people who react poorly. Do your best not to be one of them. Do your best to think about what the other person is going through and even ask them...hey what's going on? Did I offend you? LISTEN TO THEIR ANSWER. 


A lot of times people are frustrated by their circumstances and take it out on the first person that challenges them. Maybe that person is you. Maybe you yourself are engaging in this kind of behavior. As a Christian it is our obligation to extend grace and react with love. Make it your intention to actually pursue righteousness. Don't just let it happen. Pursue it!


Proverbs 21:21

New International Version (NIV)

21 Whoever pursues righteousness and love
    finds life, prosperity and honor.


If you notice in Proverbs 21:21 there is a promise that comes from pursuing righteousness and love; you will find life, prosperity and honor. The number one way to combat negative thinking is to walk in LOVE!  Love puts others before itself. Pursue LOVE! 


The next time you are having a conversation with someone and feel offended or hurt, remember that love is not irritable and does not keep a record of being wronged. Walking in love means it is NOT all about you...

1 Corinthians 13:4-5

New Living Translation (NLT)

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.


Father God,

Please illuminate my mind to any "It's all about me" thinking I may have. When I interact with other people, especially people I love, please help me to look at our conversation with Your eyes. If I feel offense rising up inside me, nip it in the bud with the blood of Christ and show me what it is in me that needs to be brought into the light. Put a guard over my mouth and help me speak words of life. In Jesus name. Amen.